When you were a kid, did you dream? Did you want to do something, be someone, go somewhere you never thought possible?
Have you seen those dreams into reality? Given up? Or still working on them?
When I was a kid I learned at a very young age to compare myself to the best. I was a perfectionist who never reached perfection in any one area. I wanted to do and be and go and see so many things and places that I never took the time to focus on just one. I think I had the ability to be amazing at one particular thing, but I never finished exploring my options to hone in on one thing, and so here I am. Talented and skilled, educated and capable, well-traveled and wise but not an expert in anything.
In high school I knew I wasn’t a great runner. But I loved to run when it was in season. I also loved softball when that was in season, so I never really had the chance to see what I was truly capable of in XC.
In college I improved quite a bit but instead of comparing myself to my former self, I compared myself to the women who were winning. And who had full scholarships to D1 schools. I never let it in that I was decent at running. And therefore I never really allowed my true potential to surface.
I lived too much in the here & now. I wasn’t willing to make investments in myself by running through the seasons, fueling my body appropriately and taking care of myself.
That’s going to change. One thing I’ve learned this year and through so many years of running is that life has many seasons. I’ve referred to this past year many times as the season of regrowth. It wasn’t important that I did well, it was only important that I did it. I had been stuck in a 1+ year-long rut and needed to get out.
I’m out. And now I’m working on getting my insides healthy and stable so I can begin training for my 3rd marathon. I dare to set the goal to break 4 hours at this marathon because I am finally willing to invest in myself long-term. I want to qualify for the Boston Marathon “someday” and also “someday” I’d like to finish an Ironman triathlon.
So next year is an investment year. I want to make this investment in myself. I dare to believe in myself and in my potential. I no longer compare myself to professional runners. And the alternative to that is not the extreme opposite end. Because I somehow started believing that if I wasn’t a professional runner, I must be one of the weekend warriors who are happy to finish last (no offense – glad you’re all out there!).
Truth is, I am competitive and I enjoy pushing myself to be my best. I am not the best and I am okay with that. But what I am not okay with is being less than my best. So that season of my life is over.
Today was day four of the candida detox and I am feeling the changes. I don’t feel great, but I didn’t expect to. I don’t expect to for a while. But I am eating and excited to eat. And my food choices are thoughtful and careful and the foods I’m putting into my body are medicine to my condition. And it feels good that my food has purpose.
And the relative torture I’m dealing with now is an investment in my tomorrow self. Healthier, stronger, happier.
So I want to know. Were you a dreamer as a kid?